I'm going to graduate as an English major, inshallah (Arabic: God willing). What does that mean?
Does that mean I can get a writing job?
What's a "writing job"? - surely it's an independent quest - no one hires amateurs to write thoughtful essays. One writes thoughtful essays and tries furiously to get them published somewhere - right? What if I can't write thoughtful essays? What if I don't want to write thoughtful essays?
What's a "writing job"? - surely it's an independent quest - no one hires amateurs to write thoughtful essays. One writes thoughtful essays and tries furiously to get them published somewhere - right? What if I can't write thoughtful essays? What if I don't want to write thoughtful essays?
Do I have some unrealized potential to write thoughtful essays in the first place? Or an essay that's marketable? Do I not?
What if I graduate as an English major and don't write? What was lost? Surely nothing was lost if nothing was attempted.. except opportunity.
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What happens next? Do I apply to publishing companies? Do I get a regular job (what's a regular job?) or continue as a phone operator at my Chinese restaurant - and other side work while committing to thoughtful essay writing? Write a novel? Maintain a blog?
At my internship I realize how little I can do - I write so slowly and poorly and my editor crosses out so much. And I feel so self-conscious when I tell family and strangers "I study English Writing" Naturally, no one knows how to respond to that. I CAN say that I AM published - through my internship, even despite all that editing. But I've won no awards, no high school essay contests, I never studied poetry, my poems were rambling rhymes at best, my short stories in classes were mediocre at best, I never worked for a school newspaper... I continued studying English because I got positive feedback from teachers when I was someone who especially needed positive feedback. And people think I'm thoughtful and angsty. But just because one is thoughtful and angsty does not make one a writer. And I haven't shown nearly enough ambition. Maybe I'm not a writer? At all?
What's the difference between rambling and writing? That editing!
The English Writing major - is it straightforward at all? Should I feel these doubts, this sense of misdirection? What am I missing? Or am I just missing too much?
Do I write? Or do I simply stay confined to journals? Why should I write? Should I write because I have nothing else? I think that's what F. Scott Fitzgerald said in "The Crack-Up":
"So, since I could no longer fulfill the obligations that life had set for me or that I had set for myself, why not slay the empty shell who had been posturing at it for four years? I must continue to be a writer because that was my only way of life, but I would cease any attempts to be a person -- to be kind, just, or generous. There were plenty of counterfeit coins around that would pass instead of these and I knew where I could get them at a nickel on the dollar."
This is from a very very intimately human essay.. about feeling dehumanized.. That paradox is also the point of Interview with the Vampire come to think of it.
Anyway, I'm not so far gone (and still not quite among the undead...).
I have to believe it's ok to have these doubts - and it's even better to think: it's possible.
What happens next? Do I apply to publishing companies? Do I get a regular job (what's a regular job?) or continue as a phone operator at my Chinese restaurant - and other side work while committing to thoughtful essay writing? Write a novel? Maintain a blog?
At my internship I realize how little I can do - I write so slowly and poorly and my editor crosses out so much. And I feel so self-conscious when I tell family and strangers "I study English Writing" Naturally, no one knows how to respond to that. I CAN say that I AM published - through my internship, even despite all that editing. But I've won no awards, no high school essay contests, I never studied poetry, my poems were rambling rhymes at best, my short stories in classes were mediocre at best, I never worked for a school newspaper... I continued studying English because I got positive feedback from teachers when I was someone who especially needed positive feedback. And people think I'm thoughtful and angsty. But just because one is thoughtful and angsty does not make one a writer. And I haven't shown nearly enough ambition. Maybe I'm not a writer? At all?
What's the difference between rambling and writing? That editing!
The English Writing major - is it straightforward at all? Should I feel these doubts, this sense of misdirection? What am I missing? Or am I just missing too much?
Do I write? Or do I simply stay confined to journals? Why should I write? Should I write because I have nothing else? I think that's what F. Scott Fitzgerald said in "The Crack-Up":
"So, since I could no longer fulfill the obligations that life had set for me or that I had set for myself, why not slay the empty shell who had been posturing at it for four years? I must continue to be a writer because that was my only way of life, but I would cease any attempts to be a person -- to be kind, just, or generous. There were plenty of counterfeit coins around that would pass instead of these and I knew where I could get them at a nickel on the dollar."
This is from a very very intimately human essay.. about feeling dehumanized.. That paradox is also the point of Interview with the Vampire come to think of it.
Anyway, I'm not so far gone (and still not quite among the undead...).
I have to believe it's ok to have these doubts - and it's even better to think: it's possible.
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